Defining the Subtle Boundaries of Consensual Prostitution

We all know that if sex workers were given fair and reasonable rights, we’d be seen more broadly as people providing a service than “criminals.” Perhaps we will live in a day when it ISN’T ok to rape a woman selling sex. Even then, if a girl can dream, the average John would be required to not only pass safety processes upheld by the law, but also conduct upheld by society. I think most people reading this can agree on these concepts.

As far off as that may seem, it doesn’t mean we can’t start demanding this safety and appropriate conduct from the gentlemen who patron our services. The first step is to acknowledge the wide, yet often ignored, gap between prostitution and rape.

Prostitution is the practice of engaging in sexual activity with another person for payment. There is an implied awareness and willingness on the part of the person engaging in sex. If we are speaking of a person who is not aware or willing, that clearly falls into categories of human trafficking or rape. In the case of prostitution, the consensual transaction is between the service provider and the client.

However, not all sex workers have the know-how to set crucial boundaries to make this transaction safe (again – thanks to many of them operating in hiding instead of regulated establishments). So when a client dangles a carrot after she has said “no,” there is an oh-so-subtle moment when a normal transaction starts to become non-consensual.

I am a reasonable person, as I expect both my client and escort readers to be. I am aware of what constitutes rape. By definition, rape is when a person uses force or threat to engage in sexual activities with another. Emotionally, this spectrum is wider. Even still, the spectrum is wider when we consider this sex epidemic you may have heard of – rape culture.

“Why do we keep referencing rape culture? What is rape and what is rape culture? Why do I care? What does it have to do with me?” Yes, many questions that generally upstanding clients may have. Yet many others may not even think twice because they have cash in-hand which they believe buys them a ticket to pound-town with any woman on the market. I encourage all types to heed this message.

Let’s imagine a scenario for a moment… Keep in mind that in order for a client to ever walk through an escort’s door, she has to say “yes” to his request. She must consent to the appointment. Be sure to drop any shred of a notion that a sex worker is obligated to take any client. Escorts can consent or refuse to consent. Below is another example of when an escort can answer “yes” or “no”.

Client: “Do you provide _____?” (perfectly reasonable question prior to a transaction).

Escort: “No, I’m sorry, I don’t offer that.” (a clear answer of ‘no”).

Client: “I’ll pay $200 more.” (Initiation of power).

The morality downfall starts with the obvious fact that the client can easily find an escort that provides the specific activity that he is looking for. A popular example may be a request for anal. When the client requests anal, he gets a clear answer that the escort is NOT willing to provide that service with her body. The client then tries to override her desires for her own body by presenting more money. This is often followed by strategies of guilting, shaming, and complaining.

As a side note to clients: I do understand that many men make this mistake innocently and less directly. An innocent “nudge” can quickly skew your perspective on what is acceptable after it becomes habitual. In the world of intimate transactions, delicate and extreme are not far between.

So in this example, he wants to see this girl and he really wants anal – what’s the big deal, right? Lets look at the details of what makes this person tick. He wants what he wants. He wants girl “A” off the escort listings, not girl “B” or “C” who happen to offer anal. He wants the one he wants. He also wants anal sex. He doesn’t want just vaginal sex with this particular provider. He doesn’t want to take advantage of her unique specialties. He wants his dick in a butt. The one she is in possession of.

All annoyance of entitlement aside, let’s look at something more concerning: he does not care if she wants to do this or not. In fact, it is of such little concern to him, that he believes his disposable leisure money is of more value than the boundaries she has set. It means he can easily ignore her discomfort (emotionally or physically) if it means getting off in the way he likes.

Sure many women charge more for certain activities. They will offer that upcharge. That is something they have previously decided they are comfortable doing if the financial benefit is there. In the case we are speaking of, the woman said ‘“no.”

A man who does not recognize the importance of a person saying “no” to a sexual activity is already on the rape spectrum. If he believes bribery makes it ok, he does not have respect for another human’s flesh. He does not care if that person is comfortable. He wants to take what he wants and is willing to push for it regardless of how it may affect the other person’s comfort. He is taking advantage of a person in a vulnerable position.

This rings especially true when you consider that many sex workers are in tough positions. They want to reduce their number of clients and therefore reduce their risk. So an extra $200 in exchange to forgo hard limits seem ok on a rough day.

In this moment the failure to recognize the humanity in a sex worker spreads like a disease. The sex worker herself remembers how society reminds her regularly that she is skin for sale, not a service. It’s not about her skill, it’s about her willingness to be “bought” wholly. Once you are paid for sex, your body is owned.

THIS. IS. SO. WRONG. Not in any other service do we walk in expecting to own someone for an hour. We don’t expect our wait staff at a restaurant to brush our hair. We don’t ask a personal trainer to feed us grapes while we lounge by the pool. We don’t tell our hairdressers to pop our back pimples while they are at it. A sex worker provides a service. This is a service indeed, but one that is of sexual nature under their terms and skill set. This is a service that REQUIRES physical and emotional consent as with any intimate service. You don’t purchase sex workers rights, and for a higher price, you can’t purchase the right to say “no”.

The thought makes me look again toward the word “rape” and what it means. Rape is when one person uses “force” to engage in sexual activity with another. What is considered “force”? Is it physical violence? Is it blackmail? Coercion? Bribery? On a legal level, things can get really picked apart. But we aren’t operating within the legal realm anyway, are we? Let’s speak on a moral level.

Here’s a small list of ways men can “force” a sex worker – or any other person – into sexual activity after they have clearly said “no”:

  • Bribery: Offering more money, gifts, or other promises.
  • Shaming: Passive or even directly derogatory remarks about being a “whore”  and selling one’s body.
  • Comparing: Claiming that “other girls” do it
  • Whining/complaining: Complaining about the service once it is happening and acting unsatisfied or frustrated.
  • Passive Pressure: “God, I would really love to put it in without a condom, it’s too bad.” and other remarks usually made repeatedly.
  • Not asking: Never asking and instead “going for it” (i.e. Removing a condom, penetrating without asking, cumming in mouth without warning).

Ask yourself, ‘What type of person would get off after getting what they want as the result of any of these behaviors? How can someone ejaculate knowing they have pushed a person into sex by any means?” Ponder what this person could be capable of if hormones were high, alcohol was involved, or any other circumstance where inhibitions are lower. How far is the jump between any of these things and sex by physical force or threat? Sex for money is not an open door. Force is still force. Rape is still rape.

Keep your reality in check. Find someone who suits your needs. Respect the people you pay for a service by honoring their bodies and their rights.

Screening for Escorts & Sugar Babies

When you are trusting your safety to a strange man, you must collect as much data as possible. Here is a rough example of the screening form I use, with commentary, to illustrate what you may want to gather from your potential date. Remember – sugar daddies do not mean less danger. In fact, some men choose that route to find the more naive.

* marks REQUIRED information! That means no exceptions!


*Full legal name- no aliases!

Always require a full legal name – and check ID. If someone can not trust you with this information, you probably shouldn’t trust them. When a visitor is hesitant, explain that you are both taking risks and mutual trust is absolutely required. If you do not have a real name and something goes wrong – there is nothing you can do to help yourself.

 


*Email

ALL contact information is needed. You must be able to connect this person’s information to make sure they have a real identity and presence.

 


*Resident City & State

If they are visiting, figure out where they are from. It will help in your screening. Often men that are traveling have more opportunity to indulge, but make sure you have some back-story.

 


*Phone

Again, all contact information for screening. google voice is not acceptable. Some men will have a separate line for their hobby, so this can be brushed aside IF they can provide the rest of the information.


Date of Birth/Age

This is more for your own preference. In my experience, I really only have great experiences with visitors between 30-55. Everyone has their own preference. But in any case it’s good to know who you are meeting.

 


*Employment Information

*Company Name

*Position/Title

*Company Website (or) LinkedIn

YES! All of this. You do not need to contact their work but they should have some sort of proof that they have a job that makes them a person on the map. This also allows for you to likely find a photo of them online to ensure identity. This is information that anyone trustworthy should be willing to share.

 


*Preferred Method of Contact / Safe Time to Contact

You want to not only protect the discretion that is so important to your visitor but you want to show them that you care. This is part of your job if you are in an escort or SB position. Otherwise- no gain. You MUST protect your visitor’s privacy for them and yourself.

 


Companion Reference #1 / Companion Reference #2

Of course there will be newbies – and get ALL info from those gentlemen. However, many of these men have had at least some experience. For SB’s, any references are helpful, but always make sure they are real – ask if they have a profile you can see or try to google it. For escorts,. the general rule is that a reference over 2 years old is invalid. Most men should easily have 2 or at least one reference within the last year. I do not like taking references over a year old. Always look up the reference to ensure that she is a reputable and REAL provider.

 


Verification Service/Verification Service ID

Gather any and all verification information. Many men who approach this correctly will have one of the following: preferred411.com (P411), roomservice2000.com (RS2K), Date-Check.com. It is not uncommon to not have this type of third-party verification, in which case do not bend on collecting all other information.

 


*Additional Information (Interests, Physical Stats, Outfit Requests, etc

This is more for personal interest so you can engage your visitor properly in a way that appeals to him by knowing a bit about him before he comes. That being said, it also allows an opportunity for you to assess the visitor’s openness and friendliness or attitude. A phone call subsequent to receiving this information is also beneficial for that same reason. You can get a very good feel for people in these ways, and remember that you are not obligated to see anyone! ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT!

 


additionally – important!!!!

ALWAYS run people through verifyhim.com. This is an incredible service for all types of sex workers. It is the most advanced database I have experienced in my many years in the industry. It provides phone lookups, data collects, and also allows for any women to make reports on men whether good or bad. It is also very exclusive and women must be verified to join so you can rest assured that the information you receive is accurate.

I recommend this site to ANYONE whether sex-worker or a woman who enjoys casual sexual adventures.

Click the banner to visit the site.

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