The Rate Debate: Heauxs & Their “Numerical Value”

Rate is a sensitive subject for many sex-workers and it used to be for me as well. Ok, well it still is. It is very difficult in a profession where you sort of choose to be sexually objectified, to not put your value as a human in a dollar amount.

You see women going at it all of the time about rate amounts and their quality. I have even done the same in the past particularly in my younger days and I’ve since learned. To some extent, you do have limits based on who you are. You may also have privileges based on who you are. We work in a male-desire-driven field. If you are  BBW, there is a smaller market and you likely have to charge less for consistency. If you are uneducated and unable to provide longer dates with stimulating conversation, you have to charge less. If you are “mature” you may have to charge less. This is just the way of things.

Furthermore, the sex industry is frequently changing. You may have to charge less in different areas, different seasons, and different economical climates throughout the years.

However, ultimately, your rate is not a reflection of who you are, it is just what works for you.

When you see women with $1000, $1200, $1500/hr rates, don’t assume you are failing at an “average” rate. These are usually women in porn and very often the expectation is bareback “pornstar” experiences. If you don’t want clients risking your health to get paid a small fortune, it is fine to not have $1000/hr rate. Not to mention, these types of sessions being accommodated at all is harmful to all women. This should not be the expectation of casual sex. It should be safe. That being said, please don’t assume because a girl has a high rate she is dirty. She also might just want to work on occasion – a super high rate ensures that and creates a filter.

The best thing we can do as sex workers to support each other is to refrain from assuming and comparing to other women, particularly if you are someone with a higher rate. I used to work at a higher rate and was completely ignorant to the fact that some sex workers just simply have lower rates because that is the market that works for them. Assuming that women with a lower rate are somehow providing a lesser service is completely destructive.

I have since worked at many different rates, and worked with women who have many different rates. And I can assure you that the quality of the date is judged by the quality of the person and not the rate.

So, as a sex worker how do you decide what your rate will be? After years of experience I have found something that works for me and I will explain my experience. Everyone is different but the key to remember is that a higher rate does not equate to a better experience.


$300:

When I first started escort work, way back in the days of Craigslist’s “adult services” section, I started at $300/hr maybe less. I did quickies and half hours. I also started back at $300 when I took a several-year hiatus and came back under a new identity. Little reputation means you should start slow and steady to build a presence. For me, someone who was young, thin, etc $300 was a good starting point as I saw that comparable peers were maybe around 600 with a reputation. Over time I bumped it up until I was comfortable.


$600:

This was my rate for the most time out of any. I found it to be comfortable yet attainable for the men I wanted to see. I offered 45min (450) 60 min (600) and above. It was a good system for me at those times and gave me enough consistency to be comfortable. The financial climate in Chicago was ok. I could have probably charged 700 during those years but I found this to be suitable.


$800:

When I began in porn and lived in LA, the sessions were fewer and farther between. I felt I needed to bump up my rate in order to “hang” with the other pornstar providers in Los Angeles and in the porn scene. Even still, the bigger stars charged hundreds more than I. This is where the rate thing became tricky for me.

I began to seriously question my career and my value. Up until that point I had lived comfortably being worshipped by my clients and being paid readily. But in LA the market was completely different. Particularly at a hefty rate.

As my rate got higher, the patrons got more entitled, rude, flaky, and disrespectful of my body. They wanted bareback, they tried to remove condoms, they felt I should be worshipping the ground they walk on, they dangled the money in front of my nose as they fucked off all day on scheduling just to disappear. This may be fine for some, but there is only a certain amount of male-ass-kissing I can do for a dollar. I need to feel like myself to survive in this industry. Working a this rate made me miserable. It made me hate myself.


$500:

This is technically my rate now. I’m a mom of a young child, I have less time on my hands. So I offer sessions at a 2-hour minimum at $500/hr. I have found this to be very comfortable. What I have found with this rate is that I have access to reasonable, intelligent, everyday men who are smart and clean but still respectful and low-maintenance.

This setup allows me to filter out clients whom I like, and like to have rounded experiences where we share conversation and more during our time together – with plenty of time to experiment. Expectations are low, openness is high, and the mutual respect is bountiful. I don’t feel like I’m doing something for less than is worth my time, and they don’t feel like I owe them a pound of flesh for that fat white envelope.

Occasionally I offer one-hours, but typically I will just take the occasional two-hour date. I don’t have to work “in-person” every day, and if I am going to get dolled up and ready for a session, I can give it my all and my client feels that.


Now, keep in mind, these are only numbers I have worked with in my areas and with my reputation. The numbers are not what matters, it is the experience. Don’t sell off your health or self-respect for a higher rate. But DO know what your time is worth. Find a rate that is comfortable and that you feel good about getting done-up for. Find a rate that wont cause resentment or burn-out. Find  rate that a client can’t dangle like a carrot to keep you chasing their bullshit.

Only you know what your time is worth so just own it, don’t compare and compete with other women. Don’t let anyone tell you what your rate should be. It will eat you alive! You truly only have yourself in this business so find “you” and work it!

We Don’t Want These Men: On wives against sex-workers.

As a sex worker, I want all women to be free to do as they choose without being harmed by men. I can’t say this is true for all sex workers, but for me it is.

Recently, a long-time client of mine got “busted” by his wife. After years of tending to his needs for kinky sex on his leisure time away from home, his dual-reality crashed abruptly after pocket-dialing his wife and her listening in for 5 hours of a hooker excursion. Of course, selfishly, the first thing I thought was “damn, that is a good portion of my income.”

I never wanted bad for his wife, or the wives of any of my clients. Sometimes I know they exist, sometimes I don’t. Often times the clients I keep are really doing what they can to avoid divorce. They love their wives and family but perhaps promised too much, or committed too early, or they just grew apart sexually. These men do not intend to cheat. They see a professional for the sole purpose of maintaining their sacred emotional bond with their wife and not sharing true intimacy and love with another woman.

I’m not saying I condone the method, but often seeing a hooker is seriously their best chance at saving their marriage.

As the sex worker providing the service, my income and feeding my kids always comes first. I feared I may lose my client before anything. But then secondly as his long time friend, I advised him in different ways to be fair to his wife now that he’s experiencing the heartbreaking consequences of omitting very important information over the years.

I am not to blame for his choices. I have never knowingly enabled him, I’ve simply tried to make a buck in the best way I can.

I see that some sex workers use catty tactics to directly enable and fetishize a man cheating on his wife. Or they claim that civilian women are simply sexually inadequate or “failing” in some way. I do not condone this type of pure misogyny. That is not something I will do for a dollar and if you do, shame on you because one day when you’ve had enough of this business and maybe even sex in general, it could be your man. How awful would it be for someone to try to hold you accountable for your shithead husband’s awful decisions to hurt you?

In the same regard, how dare any wives hold sex workers accountable for their shithead husband’s awful decisions? Do civilian women expect me to tell my kids they can’t have something because I wanted to do my part in saving her shitty marriage? Am I expected to investigate each man that walks in my door to make sure no women are being harmed in the production of this blowjob? All I can do is make sure that as a sex worker and feminist, is that I am not persecuted for my right to take advantage of the male species’ desire for easy emotionless sex.

Do not blame me. Sister, if I could defend you I would. I would take you away from that man, show you the way of the heaux, and help you make sure you never had to rely on and trust one singular lying sack of shit for the rest of your life. But that is not your path. You have your path, I have mine. As women, we each deserve that choice.

Sex workers rarely know details of the personal lives of their clients. Rare is it that it is any of our business nor is that information divulged. As a reasonably privileged sex worker, I get the luxury of spending hours with my clients getting to know them – and still often don’t know about their personal lives. I guarantee the gals busting their asses on quick 15-minute clients are just as disinterested in stealing your cheap-ass husband They just want to eat and didn’t have the luxury of marrying a rich dude to put food on the table let alone entering a different field of work.

Even as privileged as some of us are, being perfectly capable of different professions, we are not fucking out to get you, civilian women. We just want your man’s money. We wouldn’t take them if we could. We have chosen our paths where very little trust of men is involved. You’ve chosen yours. You’ve chosen to marry these men. You call us enablers, but you give these men safe spaces, homes, children, and comfort to come home to. Who is the enabler, my dear? Do you think hookers are not disposable to your man? Do you not understand that your man would literally throw us under a bus if it meant protecting you?

We don’t want these fucking men.

From my view, these are your men, these are your dysfunctional relationships. I have literally nothing to do with them. I am simply an object in this equation and I seriously don’t mind. I prefer to keep my interaction with men simple like that.  I do not have interest in the toxic monogamy culture and expectations your relationship breeds. I also do not have interest in persecuting you for the ripple effect of your choices as they pertain to me, because you are free to choose your path, sister.

Blaming the women who are providing a service is inherently anti-woman. You are expecting us to control the actions of the shitty men you choose to wife up with – and at the expense of feeding our families. You expected monogamy, you asked for those promises. We can’t be held accountable for keeping those intact.

I guarantee that more often than not, your man believes he is doing you a favor. He is trying to not hound you for sex. He is not at all interested in having an affair. He probably has a hard time communicating what he needs or he simply can no longer get it with you but he STILL loves the shit out of you.

I don’t encourage cheating, but I wont take responsibility for it either. I choose to adapt and have an open relationship. I choose to listen to may partner and communicate freely. I choose to manage my expectations and be flexible so that if my man did need something else, we’d work around it. You, civilian women, deserve the same. You don’t deserve to be cheated on even if your man says you’re “not enough”.

But don’t you dare try to blame other women – sex worker or not. Free yourself and open your mind instead. If you choose my path I can help you. If you keep on yours I can only do my best to get by myself.

Defining the Subtle Boundaries of Consensual Prostitution

We all know that if sex workers were given fair and reasonable rights, we’d be seen more broadly as people providing a service than “criminals.” Perhaps we will live in a day when it ISN’T ok to rape a woman selling sex. Even then, if a girl can dream, the average John would be required to not only pass safety processes upheld by the law, but also conduct upheld by society. I think most people reading this can agree on these concepts.

As far off as that may seem, it doesn’t mean we can’t start demanding this safety and appropriate conduct from the gentlemen who patron our services. The first step is to acknowledge the wide, yet often ignored, gap between prostitution and rape.

Prostitution is the practice of engaging in sexual activity with another person for payment. There is an implied awareness and willingness on the part of the person engaging in sex. If we are speaking of a person who is not aware or willing, that clearly falls into categories of human trafficking or rape. In the case of prostitution, the consensual transaction is between the service provider and the client.

However, not all sex workers have the know-how to set crucial boundaries to make this transaction safe (again – thanks to many of them operating in hiding instead of regulated establishments). So when a client dangles a carrot after she has said “no,” there is an oh-so-subtle moment when a normal transaction starts to become non-consensual.

I am a reasonable person, as I expect both my client and escort readers to be. I am aware of what constitutes rape. By definition, rape is when a person uses force or threat to engage in sexual activities with another. Emotionally, this spectrum is wider. Even still, the spectrum is wider when we consider this sex epidemic you may have heard of – rape culture.

“Why do we keep referencing rape culture? What is rape and what is rape culture? Why do I care? What does it have to do with me?” Yes, many questions that generally upstanding clients may have. Yet many others may not even think twice because they have cash in-hand which they believe buys them a ticket to pound-town with any woman on the market. I encourage all types to heed this message.

Let’s imagine a scenario for a moment… Keep in mind that in order for a client to ever walk through an escort’s door, she has to say “yes” to his request. She must consent to the appointment. Be sure to drop any shred of a notion that a sex worker is obligated to take any client. Escorts can consent or refuse to consent. Below is another example of when an escort can answer “yes” or “no”.

Client: “Do you provide _____?” (perfectly reasonable question prior to a transaction).

Escort: “No, I’m sorry, I don’t offer that.” (a clear answer of ‘no”).

Client: “I’ll pay $200 more.” (Initiation of power).

The morality downfall starts with the obvious fact that the client can easily find an escort that provides the specific activity that he is looking for. A popular example may be a request for anal. When the client requests anal, he gets a clear answer that the escort is NOT willing to provide that service with her body. The client then tries to override her desires for her own body by presenting more money. This is often followed by strategies of guilting, shaming, and complaining.

As a side note to clients: I do understand that many men make this mistake innocently and less directly. An innocent “nudge” can quickly skew your perspective on what is acceptable after it becomes habitual. In the world of intimate transactions, delicate and extreme are not far between.

So in this example, he wants to see this girl and he really wants anal – what’s the big deal, right? Lets look at the details of what makes this person tick. He wants what he wants. He wants girl “A” off the escort listings, not girl “B” or “C” who happen to offer anal. He wants the one he wants. He also wants anal sex. He doesn’t want just vaginal sex with this particular provider. He doesn’t want to take advantage of her unique specialties. He wants his dick in a butt. The one she is in possession of.

All annoyance of entitlement aside, let’s look at something more concerning: he does not care if she wants to do this or not. In fact, it is of such little concern to him, that he believes his disposable leisure money is of more value than the boundaries she has set. It means he can easily ignore her discomfort (emotionally or physically) if it means getting off in the way he likes.

Sure many women charge more for certain activities. They will offer that upcharge. That is something they have previously decided they are comfortable doing if the financial benefit is there. In the case we are speaking of, the woman said ‘“no.”

A man who does not recognize the importance of a person saying “no” to a sexual activity is already on the rape spectrum. If he believes bribery makes it ok, he does not have respect for another human’s flesh. He does not care if that person is comfortable. He wants to take what he wants and is willing to push for it regardless of how it may affect the other person’s comfort. He is taking advantage of a person in a vulnerable position.

This rings especially true when you consider that many sex workers are in tough positions. They want to reduce their number of clients and therefore reduce their risk. So an extra $200 in exchange to forgo hard limits seem ok on a rough day.

In this moment the failure to recognize the humanity in a sex worker spreads like a disease. The sex worker herself remembers how society reminds her regularly that she is skin for sale, not a service. It’s not about her skill, it’s about her willingness to be “bought” wholly. Once you are paid for sex, your body is owned.

THIS. IS. SO. WRONG. Not in any other service do we walk in expecting to own someone for an hour. We don’t expect our wait staff at a restaurant to brush our hair. We don’t ask a personal trainer to feed us grapes while we lounge by the pool. We don’t tell our hairdressers to pop our back pimples while they are at it. A sex worker provides a service. This is a service indeed, but one that is of sexual nature under their terms and skill set. This is a service that REQUIRES physical and emotional consent as with any intimate service. You don’t purchase sex workers rights, and for a higher price, you can’t purchase the right to say “no”.

The thought makes me look again toward the word “rape” and what it means. Rape is when one person uses “force” to engage in sexual activity with another. What is considered “force”? Is it physical violence? Is it blackmail? Coercion? Bribery? On a legal level, things can get really picked apart. But we aren’t operating within the legal realm anyway, are we? Let’s speak on a moral level.

Here’s a small list of ways men can “force” a sex worker – or any other person – into sexual activity after they have clearly said “no”:

  • Bribery: Offering more money, gifts, or other promises.
  • Shaming: Passive or even directly derogatory remarks about being a “whore”  and selling one’s body.
  • Comparing: Claiming that “other girls” do it
  • Whining/complaining: Complaining about the service once it is happening and acting unsatisfied or frustrated.
  • Passive Pressure: “God, I would really love to put it in without a condom, it’s too bad.” and other remarks usually made repeatedly.
  • Not asking: Never asking and instead “going for it” (i.e. Removing a condom, penetrating without asking, cumming in mouth without warning).

Ask yourself, ‘What type of person would get off after getting what they want as the result of any of these behaviors? How can someone ejaculate knowing they have pushed a person into sex by any means?” Ponder what this person could be capable of if hormones were high, alcohol was involved, or any other circumstance where inhibitions are lower. How far is the jump between any of these things and sex by physical force or threat? Sex for money is not an open door. Force is still force. Rape is still rape.

Keep your reality in check. Find someone who suits your needs. Respect the people you pay for a service by honoring their bodies and their rights.

Screening for Escorts & Sugar Babies

When you are trusting your safety to a strange man, you must collect as much data as possible. Here is a rough example of the screening form I use, with commentary, to illustrate what you may want to gather from your potential date. Remember – sugar daddies do not mean less danger. In fact, some men choose that route to find the more naive.

* marks REQUIRED information! That means no exceptions!


*Full legal name- no aliases!

Always require a full legal name – and check ID. If someone can not trust you with this information, you probably shouldn’t trust them. When a visitor is hesitant, explain that you are both taking risks and mutual trust is absolutely required. If you do not have a real name and something goes wrong – there is nothing you can do to help yourself.

 


*Email

ALL contact information is needed. You must be able to connect this person’s information to make sure they have a real identity and presence.

 


*Resident City & State

If they are visiting, figure out where they are from. It will help in your screening. Often men that are traveling have more opportunity to indulge, but make sure you have some back-story.

 


*Phone

Again, all contact information for screening. google voice is not acceptable. Some men will have a separate line for their hobby, so this can be brushed aside IF they can provide the rest of the information.


Date of Birth/Age

This is more for your own preference. In my experience, I really only have great experiences with visitors between 30-55. Everyone has their own preference. But in any case it’s good to know who you are meeting.

 


*Employment Information

*Company Name

*Position/Title

*Company Website (or) LinkedIn

YES! All of this. You do not need to contact their work but they should have some sort of proof that they have a job that makes them a person on the map. This also allows for you to likely find a photo of them online to ensure identity. This is information that anyone trustworthy should be willing to share.

 


*Preferred Method of Contact / Safe Time to Contact

You want to not only protect the discretion that is so important to your visitor but you want to show them that you care. This is part of your job if you are in an escort or SB position. Otherwise- no gain. You MUST protect your visitor’s privacy for them and yourself.

 


Companion Reference #1 / Companion Reference #2

Of course there will be newbies – and get ALL info from those gentlemen. However, many of these men have had at least some experience. For SB’s, any references are helpful, but always make sure they are real – ask if they have a profile you can see or try to google it. For escorts,. the general rule is that a reference over 2 years old is invalid. Most men should easily have 2 or at least one reference within the last year. I do not like taking references over a year old. Always look up the reference to ensure that she is a reputable and REAL provider.

 


Verification Service/Verification Service ID

Gather any and all verification information. Many men who approach this correctly will have one of the following: preferred411.com (P411), roomservice2000.com (RS2K), Date-Check.com. It is not uncommon to not have this type of third-party verification, in which case do not bend on collecting all other information.

 


*Additional Information (Interests, Physical Stats, Outfit Requests, etc

This is more for personal interest so you can engage your visitor properly in a way that appeals to him by knowing a bit about him before he comes. That being said, it also allows an opportunity for you to assess the visitor’s openness and friendliness or attitude. A phone call subsequent to receiving this information is also beneficial for that same reason. You can get a very good feel for people in these ways, and remember that you are not obligated to see anyone! ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT!

 


additionally – important!!!!

ALWAYS run people through verifyhim.com. This is an incredible service for all types of sex workers. It is the most advanced database I have experienced in my many years in the industry. It provides phone lookups, data collects, and also allows for any women to make reports on men whether good or bad. It is also very exclusive and women must be verified to join so you can rest assured that the information you receive is accurate.

I recommend this site to ANYONE whether sex-worker or a woman who enjoys casual sexual adventures.

Click the banner to visit the site.

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