Your Mom Got Fucked


I was inspired to write this after being very disappointed that one of my once-favorite sites succumbed to spreading more Buzzfeed-type opinion articles that are not backed by science, but is instead fodder for millennials to justify their completely self-absorbed directionless lives with fake science. This one in particular; having kids ruins your sex life. Fucking breeders…

I found several articles with plenty more self-absorbed, too-intelligent-to-have-kids, I-was-not-having-kids-before-it-was-cool, millennial hipster clickbait.

In other words: “WAH having kids is so passé because then I can’t do WHAT I WANT – WHEN I WANT without thinking of effecting anyone else ever!” Don’t get me wrong – there are plenty of things I’ve been doing since before they were cool. But then I grew up and recognized true spiritual purpose and quality of life and started caring more for others than trying to force them to care about me.

The problem with most of these articles that are dished out by Huff Post, Gawker, and equally credible pathologists, is that they are designed to cater to what this generation wants to hear. These studies show that there is a pretty equal uprising of positive feelings and negative feelings. As with anything – parenthood has its good with the bad. The general millennial response: meh, it evens out so why do the work?

There are many social issues that are to be considered in this unfortunately common, but not scientifically unanimous information. They almost all are rooted in slut-shaming and misogyny, no matter how much these same hipsters waive their political cocks in protest of such topics.

That being said – I’m NOT insinuating that if you don’t procreate then you’re a waste of life. If you don’t want kids – don’t have them. You are no less valuable without kids, but you are no more valuable. I think no one should be forced to have children they don’t want. Own it and wear it proud. Don’t reinforce our damaged sexual culture in order to validate your position by displaying parents, particularly women, as ruined people with less capability in this world.

This is not an argument for procreation. It is an argument to see child-rearing as an opportunity to mend a damaged sexual culture versus shaming parents and children into an anti-sexual trap.


Lets talk about why our dysfunctional social culture ruins your sex life. Children, motherhood, parenthood, do not ruin your sex life – they ARE your sex life.

Socially, we are taught to lead certain lives as parents. These new lives that parents are pressured into are void of sexual adult behavior. Some how it is impossible in our society to fathom an adult life, parallel to your life with your children. Being a good parent is somehow measured by how much your deprive and torture yourself in the way Jesus intended. You’re a great mother  – if your jeans are at least one size too big and your zipper measures 10+ inches… but only if you’re not wearing makeup and you have a nice, respectable, bob cut to your hair. You must be pure and miserable.

And even as progressive as much of our hop generation is, a full rejection of parental lifestyle is just simply reinforcing this type of anti-sex parenthood.

From the second you become pregnant, when most women have flat bellies and, in turn, will still get fucked by their partners, they usually don’t want to because they feel terribly ill. Their partners become insecure and then this is perpetuated once the illness subsides and the belly grows and their male partners have a big alarm go off in their head saying:


Because it is scientific fact… that sex and childbirth are on opposite ends of the universe, right?

Then this insecurity infests the relationship at rapid speeds on both ends because the woman will likely sense her partners distance or be told outright he is scared of his dick being near the baby. For the record – Vagina and uterus – totally different places. Your cock is not that powerful. Somehow you men will penetrate a rectum without worrying of stomach acid burning your cock, but a dick in a vagina somehow means the baby is just gonna grab hold of your weenie.

So then, as a woman, you find yourself in a maternity store trying to find clothing to suit your hot new bod. There you are told yet again that you are a mom – YOU DON’T HAVE SEX! Your cleavage is fully covered, your curves completely draped, and God forbid any fabric would cling to you.

Then you spend pregnancy being told not to have a few glasses of wine, don’t get into a warm bath with your partner, don’t get massaged by anyone unless it’s a prenatal massage specialist who knows your body better than you do, because clearly all of these things will cause your baby to come flying out of your uterus and immediately die.

So therefore, as a pregnant woman, don’t do anything that can relax your hard-working mind and body into a place that it is ready to receive the sex it so desperately craves.

Then after you’ve spent 9 months crying in lieu of sex because you’re wearing a tent and can’t mellow your body in any way, you give birth – which is a shaming and humiliating experience of its own.

Typically you have a room full of masked sterilized strangers demanding you have your baby under their professional rules instead of by the instinct of your body. They keep you draped and covered, they hide your shame – your pussy and breasts and blood. They whisk away your baby to properly hide his shame, and gift -wrap him neatly, penis tucked away under blankets, then set him on your clothed chest once he has been inspected to be welcomed into society.

Then you attempt to breastfeed… Your breasts – the beautiful, bountiful pleasure jugs that every boyfriend has enjoyed… watching them bounce healthily while he blows his load, now are suddenly an object of shame. HIDE YOUR BREASTS – THEY’RE FOR YOUR BABY – IN PRIVATE.


Your breasts suddenly offend everyone around you. You are forced to hide them with nursing bras, nursing tops, and nursing blankets, all equally humiliating and sterile articles of clothing. COVER YOUR BREASTS – STRAP THEM IN – those are not for physical attractiveness anymore!

But even with all of the covering, you are likely to be shamed into a little plastic-coated easily-sanitized nursing room near the mall lockers where no one really goes. That is – IF you’re lucky. Otherwise you may opt to hide in the handicap accessible bathroom stall, before facing the shame of publicly feeding your baby with your non-sexual shameful breast.


You’re not a breastfeeding, life-giving, fluid, wet, juicy, sexual creature. You get into that bathroom stall! That bathroom stall where people with physical disabilities have enough room to defecate safely. Here, where you, you once-sexual whore, now find that same toilet stall enough room to FEED YOUR CHILD… safely.

You clean up, cover up, wipe up any evidence of your fluid breast from your baby’s face. Now hope to not leak through your nursing pad because anyone having to acknowledge your breast leaking would be just as mortifying for them as if you were to blatantly taking a chunky wet farty shit in your own pants.

Now, recover from that anxiety of your poor baby being hungry and not understanding why she couldn’t have the breast, and avoiding any bathroom surfaces riddled with poop particles, while a baby desperately tries to get enough milk out of you to at least make it to the comfort of your own home where YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING STAYED LIKE A PROPER MOTHER!!! What were you  thinking coming out with such a small baby?! Oh, recover from that, then return to your social engagement…

Where everyone knows, and some clearly can’t help but glance at your baby and your breasts… knowing what you just did… with your… your… BREASTS!!!

Head home for the day, try to get your baby to sleep after that rollercoaster of tension. Peel off your Burlap Sack Couture; spring collection outfit and wash the spilled milk off your body. This liquid gold that is such a gift – that you had to spend all day hiding.

Try to convince your man who can not mentally separate you and baby that you are the same confident sexual being that you once were. Because if any sense of insecurity comes along – that alarm goes off again.


Now he doesn’t understand your body. Because he, too, has been taught poorly. You were pregnant, you’re fragile, you are helpless, you can’t do all of the same things, be careful of bothering the baby, forget this woman who is now just a baby vessel. Its for her own good. Its for the good of the baby. STERILE – GENTLE – CLEAN – DRY – SOFT – CLEAN – CLEAN – CLEAN!!!!

Listen, you stupid, stupid people….

My children exist because I FUCK. I can blast a child out of THIS HERE PUSSY! And I can still take a BIG FAT COCK.

My breasts may leak, my skin may be loose, my vagina forever changed. But these parts that you and your cock were created with – THIS HERE PUSSY – will also do the work of pulling out your next ejaculate without skipping a beat.

This same pussy that you love to fuck, is just like a pussy that put you on this planet.

This wet dripping cunt… is the same wet, dripping cunt that was so sloppy wet and soaked – your children slid right out of it.

These same big, fat, titties that you’ve sucked on while your dick was rocked back and forth to climax, are the same big, fat titties that will nourish and love your child… then put that fucking kid to sleep and go right back to wanting to fuck your brains out.

So stop teaching your wives, friends, baby’s mamas, mothers, sisters, daughters, and strangers that their body is ruined once they’ve birthed our children. Stop telling them they can’t fuck, they’re pure, they’re shameful.

She, who you shame, has given us the amazing gift of LIFE – and all because she is a filthy wet beast that got fucked.