Your Sex Cleanup Bucket: Products for Cleanup Before and After Sex

So over the years I’ve developed many ways to have the raunchiest and exploratory sex I possibly can, and still keep a nice home and body.

Now these clean-sex tips are not the typical ways to practice sex safely. If you’re reading this, I’m hoping you’ve already figured that out. These are ways to keep your messy, unique sex life discreet and cleanly!

1: Witch Hazel Wipes

These things are a great multi-purpose item. Preparation H sells them as a hemorrhoid soothing remedy but you can find them also sold as “medicated wipes”. Do not let this turn you off, they are good for use everywhere – not just your butt. You can also get them in to-go single use wet-nappy type of packaging which I also recommend for nights you may end up hooking up by surprise, or just in case of basically anything.

They are great before sex for wiping down your nether-regions. They have a light, natural aroma that doesn’t hang around versus a perfume-y vaginal wipe. They clean efficiently and are natural and safe for both places of entry downstairs. They are great for men too. If you’re planning to hook up on your lunch break mid-summer while already wearing a suit for half of the day, please do not let your partner unzip your pants to a swamp. Axe body spray also does not count as clean, and may be worse than sweaty balls, so just take that off the list right now.

After sex, they safely remove residual lube or whatever other messes you’ve happened to make. For women, if you have sex frequently it’s great for regular maintenance to pee right after sex to prevent UTI’s, so while you’re at it use a witch hazel wipe to make sure you don’t have any sticky lube hanging around to throw your pH levels off. Use it on your tukus if you’ve engaged in anal sex as well. If you have any residual irritation there might be some tingling, but the witch hazel will soothe and cleanse you to heal faster. The wipes are quicker and more intimate than an immediate after-sex shower so you can had back for some snugs or round two.

2: wet ones

These are not best for use on your naughty bits but are great to have bedside. If you’re switching from different sexual activities or partners during sex, you can definitely get a little messy, but this can sometimes increase the risk of STI’s. Nothing wrong with wiping down your hands, or face, or… wherever… as needed when in it for the long-haul.

3. soilove

I actually discovered this product on someone else’s column quite some time ago but I forget where, otherwise I would credit them because this is a life-saver!

If you’re all-around indulgent, you probably are like me and prioritize your sheets’ thread count almost as much as sex. Nothing is worse than having inhibition-free sex, maybe while you or your partner is menstruating or just while getting crazy with the slippery soft silicone lube. Either way, whatever mess you get on your sheets, Soilove will get out. After my fantastic, soft, cotton duvet cover was covered in spots from regularly spilling lube all over it, I found this and it solved all of my problems. I don’t even bother laying a towel down now.

4. Arnica Oil

If you like to get a little rough during sex, arnica oil will cure what ails you. Follow up any slapping, bonding, spanking, and biting with a light massage with arnica oil right away. (Also a great aftercare activity for all of you service-tops out there!)

Arnica oil will get rid of surface bruising and any soreness or discomfort that you don’t want lingering around too long after the fun. In my personal experience, this will not get rid of deep bruises from very thuddy beatings, but it will speed up the healing. Any surface bruises or broken capillaries will vanish very quickly.

5. rubbing alcohol

For your body, if you get into any types of body paints, markers, or other sex goo that just wont go away, just use a cotton ball and some rubbing alcohol. I once devastated a slave who had to go to the doctor when I wrote on him in permanent marker. I wonder if he figured out he could use rubbing alcohol to get it off…

Also it is fantastic for sex toys. Be sure to wipe off the outside of silicone bottles to prevent them from getting residue on toys and damaging them. You can also use rubbing alcohol to clean and sterilize many toys safely now that high-grade silicone, metal, and glass are popular choices. Don’t waste money on special sex-toy cleaning fluid. You likely have rubbing alcohol and water in your home already.

6: Enemas

I push enemas non-stop! (Pun intended). No, butt seriously… (ok, I’m done). Enemas are really great for your health to begin with for many reasons¬†but also help maintain a healthy butt for healthy butt sex – another topic I regularly endorse.

The link in the title shows a bag enema which is meant for a little more of a deep clean. For a quick rinse, you can get pre-lubed, pre-filled disposable enemas at the drugstore.

7: no douches

This is something that I do not recommend. If you happen to have a vagina, you may have the compulsion to douche when having frequent sex. It seems to make sense to clean yourself out, but you are doing your vagina a disservice. Your vagina can handle sex, it produces it’s own fluids to do so that are pH balanced and also doesn’t mind semen (if you are with a tested monogamous partner)!

However, douching – unless instructed for a specific reason by a doctor – can really do some damage and send you in the opposite direction of clean-feeling and instead to yeasty bread-factories and fishy smells between your legs. If that happens, it does not mean you aren’t doing it enough. That is your vagina telling you to leave the work up to nature. After sex, just shower and use a mild soap to keep yourself fresh.


All of that being said, don’t ever over-do it. Great things to bring to bed are health and confidence – getting too meticulous can destroy that. Keep things dirty as you see fit, but help maintain your discretion with these handy cleanup tools.