After regretfully stumbling upon the sex-negative radical feminism movent of a group called “Untameable Shrews” I found this image posted on instagram:
I could go on for ages about how this school of feminism is, in fact, just as oppressive of women as misogyny, and I could pick apart this group’s sad excuse for “street art” but I’ll spare
you today to simply address the message depicted here.
While I do believe there is a threshold in which porn is harmful to all – I also beleive that the elimnation of porn is an absurd radical idea that only exists within frigid sex-negative “feminist” ideals where women have zero libidos and babies are grown in tubes. Yes there is are certain types of porn that are harmful for a few basic reasons – they fail to illustrate consent or desire on the female part, they don’t allow room for emotional sexual needs, and they dont teach jhjow to have realistic sex.
Being a sex worker, I have seen firt-hand what happens when an everday guy tries to mimick his favorite porn scene. It’s pure buffoonery.
However, my focus is to answer this unnecessarily triggering question of; Why do men get off on images of women in pain?
Well, for the same reason women get off on seeing men in pain, or women get off on seeing women in pain. As a rather sexually dominant person who enjoys sex with all genders, I like seeing my partners in pain.
While I can also meet halfway on the BDSM front and agree that many of the constructs of BDSM are unhealthy and dangerous, this is not the norm nor is it a rule. Erasure of women’s enjoyment of hardcore sex only further oppresses us.
The visual representation of pain or discomfort triggers the same feelings as much of sex or other extreme pleasures do. Whether you’re receiving the most female-friendly gentle orgasm, eating a delicious cheeseburger that has you moaning in delight, enduring a spanking or intense painful fucking session, the result is the same. You’re indulging and letting go. This is often extremely enjoyable to witness as a caring partner.
Pain being introduced into sex is not male-serving. It’s sexuality-serving. Serving healthy and limitless female sexuality is essential to feminism.
There are exceptions. TO be honest, I find the much of the BDSM “lifestyle” or community to be riddled with abuse of women and harmful ideals for relationships – all put on display to impress other dysfunctional people. But this again, is not a rule. I also can’t see why any “Dom/me” would absolutely REQUIRE seeing a person in pain in order to get off – unless they are an abuse addict. Pain should be an emotional enhancement to sex – not a requirement to victimize someone in order to cum.
However, responsible and mindful BDSM play, pain, sadomasochism, and fetish are all practices that can be freeing for both partners – especially for the person receiving it. It presents an opportunity to get in touch with our true primal nature that is so deeply buried under social construct – particularly the ones that demand women to be sexless creatures without perverted desires.
Pain does not equal rape or harm. Discouraging both men and women from partaking in either porn or BDSM is frankly fucking stupid and highly counter-productive to the feminist agenda. This radical idea only drives women further away from feminism and empowerment into the arms of dangerous abusive situations. Instead of allowing them free agency over her sexual desires, this concept further isolates the sexual woman and makes her more vulnerable to abusers since she can not find comfort in feminism. If you say a woman can’t allow herself to be in sexual agony because SHE wants to, you’re oppressing women. If you tell her she doesn’t “know any better” and she’s a “brainwashed victim of misogyny” you are invalidating her very natural, understandable, personal needs.
Just because you do not have a sex drive, does not mean feminism should be based on sexless ideals. Women have a right to take back sex in it’s entirety by demanding their wishes be honored in porn, pleasure, pain, and more.
Denying a woman a right to express her sexuality and seek satisfaction only oppresses women. If your feminism limits women, you’re not a feminist. The sexual woman is the perfect warrior to smash patriarchal systems from the inside out. Don’t oppress her for the sake of your personal discomforts.